Oh man, it's me still reporting from Tokyo! In less than a 2 day span we've had a Typhoon, then 3 earthquakes, and a leaky nuke plant... What next? Godzilla?
Well, it's been one heck of a while since I posted. Ancient perhaps but all good things come. Since my last posting, I was able to move out of @Nethome Japan and join the great company of Cisco Systems... I love it here, and the Combat Monkey is now a happy camper... All that can be said is life is great, it's all good, and all the hard times lead to happy pastures... All I can say is faith take you very long way...
Bogata, Columbia - Let me start by saying I love bananas. I mean,really, what would you expect from someone who goes by the pen nameCombat Monkey? That’s why the metallic sliding, clicking, clanking, andhollow locking sound of a finely crafted Russian AK-47 assault rifle isthe sound of my breaking heart. Let me explain. Tragically, accordingto recent news reports,it seems my favorite banana company - Chiquita – has been caught up ina scandal related to terrorist in Columbia. They have also now beenforced to pay $25 million in fines to the U.S. Justice Departmentbecause their executives earlier made the decision to fork over about$1.5 million dollars in bribe money to counter-revolutionary crazies aspart of a protection racket. This whole situation brings new meaning tothe term “Banana Clip,” as money was given to both left and right winggroups sporting acronyms such as AUC, ELN, FARC, and now the U.S.A. Paya little to the left, pay a bit to the right, make sure the governmentgets its cut… seems pretty fair and balanced to me. Anyhow, a bunch ofthugs demanded pay offs so that hardworking people and a legitimatecompany could do business in the safety which local law enforcement andguberment(s) have failed to provide. These evil, nitwitted,baseball-bat-wielding thugs are responsible for killing people,bombings, cocaine trafficking, and a whole lot of other horrific stuff.Seems like an easy enough choice when the likes of AntonioSoprano-zales knocks on the door at 2 AM with a deal that can’t berefused. Pay a homicidal nut case in order to be left alone so that youcan work, or trust the local and/or U.S. Government to help? Gee, whatwould you do? Has justice slipped up on something here? If you believethe headlines, it seems like Chiquita is part of some kind of “BananaTerrorist Network.” It’s the end of innocence folks when you can’t evenenjoy a banana without feeling guilty. For my part, I say to the suitsat Chiquita, “hats off to you and VIVA YANKEE CAPITALISTO IDEOLOGY!!!”I don’t see why the banana growers had to be punished. Instead, let’shold responsible the incompetent and corrupt government officials whohave created an environment in which such rackets thrive.
WHAT THEY SAID...
Prosecutors said the company made the payments in exchange for protection for its workers.
The Outback, Australia - What should have been an awe-inspiringmoment of communal bliss between human and feathered friend suddenly turned uglyfor one Australian paraglider somewhere over the Outback. As most of usalready know, a paraglider is one of the most primitive forms offlight. It’s a Leonardo da Vinci meets Wiley Coyote contraption – onethat’s likely not up to code - consisting of a strap and a bucket seatall tied together under an over-sized parachute canopy. And while tosome it’s a way to escape the surly bonds of earth, to others its“Lunch.” With wings spanning 7 ½ feet, the massive wedge-tailed eaglehas been known to swoop down and scoop up sheep and even kangaroos. Inthis most recent encounter between hunter and hunted, a squadron ofangry eagles came swooping in from all angles in full attack mode,forcing our humble flying machine into a screaming death spiral. Inwhat could possibly have been a Darwin Award moment, we are happy to report that nobody was hurt and that our lucky pilot landed with only a few flustered feathers.
WHAT THEY SAID...
Ilooked around and couldn’t see anything, and then the next moment thetop surface of my wing deformed as an eagle flew straight into the topof me. - Nicky Moss, paraglider
WHAT THEY MEANT TO SAY...
Boogie on my six, I can’t shake him, I can’t shake him! Talk to me Goose, talk to me… loud crashing sound (end of transcript). – National Transportation Administration Black Box recording.
Hey Guys, I wrote a bunch of articles for the site What They Meant To Say.... There has been little movement with it lately so I'm going to post my wacky writing and Blogs here. Soon to come will be an archive of articles.
