Bogata, Columbia - Let me start by saying I love bananas. I mean,really, what would you expect from someone who goes by the pen nameCombat Monkey? That’s why the metallic sliding, clicking, clanking, andhollow locking sound of a finely crafted Russian AK-47 assault rifle isthe sound of my breaking heart. Let me explain. Tragically, accordingto recent news reports,it seems my favorite banana company - Chiquita – has been caught up ina scandal related to terrorist in Columbia. They have also now beenforced to pay $25 million in fines to the U.S. Justice Departmentbecause their executives earlier made the decision to fork over about$1.5 million dollars in bribe money to counter-revolutionary crazies aspart of a protection racket. This whole situation brings new meaning tothe term “Banana Clip,” as money was given to both left and right winggroups sporting acronyms such as AUC, ELN, FARC, and now the U.S.A. Paya little to the left, pay a bit to the right, make sure the governmentgets its cut… seems pretty fair and balanced to me. Anyhow, a bunch ofthugs demanded pay offs so that hardworking people and a legitimatecompany could do business in the safety which local law enforcement andguberment(s) have failed to provide. These evil, nitwitted,baseball-bat-wielding thugs are responsible for killing people,bombings, cocaine trafficking, and a whole lot of other horrific stuff.Seems like an easy enough choice when the likes of AntonioSoprano-zales knocks on the door at 2 AM with a deal that can’t berefused. Pay a homicidal nut case in order to be left alone so that youcan work, or trust the local and/or U.S. Government to help? Gee, whatwould you do? Has justice slipped up on something here? If you believethe headlines, it seems like Chiquita is part of some kind of “BananaTerrorist Network.” It’s the end of innocence folks when you can’t evenenjoy a banana without feeling guilty. For my part, I say to the suitsat Chiquita, “hats off to you and VIVA YANKEE CAPITALISTO IDEOLOGY!!!”I don’t see why the banana growers had to be punished. Instead, let’shold responsible the incompetent and corrupt government officials whohave created an environment in which such rackets thrive.
WHAT THEY SAID...
Prosecutors said the company made the payments in exchange for protection for its workers.
